It’s been 5 days since the chemo and I’m feeling rough. My body is aching and my legs are really sore. The joints (knees and hips and ankles) are painful and I feel very unsure of my steps. Another side effect is painful fingertips and nails, so doing the washing up (baby bottles etc) is torture. Yet another side effect is sore gums. It feels like the inside of my mouth has pins and needles and parts of the gums are getting raw. I also can’t taste food which is pretty boring.

I have been feeling disorientated at times too. Ruby woke for her 3am feed the other night. I didn’t hear her and Laith had to wake me up to get her. I then had her in the bed on my chest and must have dosed off but I must have been amidst dreams and hallucinations and was convinced there were 5 screaming babies on the bed and I didn’t know what to do. I was really stressed out for about half an hour until I came to my senses and took control of the situation. It was pretty scary… Ruby slept through it all so she wasn’t stressed out in the least.

Laith has gone away on a business trip and so it’s me and the girls at home. I feel awful not having the energy to do much with Laila. Ruby sleeps much of the time so is much easier to cope with. Hopefully my mum should be here soon to help and support me for a while until this nightmare is over.

I have had some amazing messages and mails from old school friends which is amazing. Thank you all so much for writing and it really is good to hear from you all. I’m sorry having not been back in touch. I will make the time as soon as I can. And to all my age old friends who are so fantastic and supportive. Thank you all so much.
I love you all.