Cup half full

Today was the beginning of the end of my journey. I started my radiotherapy today. I woke up late and had to rush out of the door without any breakfast so by the time I got there, I was desperately lacking in concentration.

After a short chat about what was going to happen, I was ushered into a changing room to sport my new, dashing hospital gown (which I get to take home with me). I then waited to be called into the radiotherapy room. I was then told to take off my shoes and get onto the bed placing my feet on the board at the bottom. They then moved me in millimetres and drew on me and the huge radiotherapy machine waltzed around me and took photos and measurements. Then they left me alone to do the radiotherapy. I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell I was doing there, all alone in this sterile, freezing cold room.

It was all over in minutes (very cold minutes). I got dressed and left. I headed straight for a coffee and a chelsea bun. On my way home, I stopped and bought a magazine. In it there was an article about 3 women who had survived breast cancer and their stories. I read it on the train and it had me in tears, just bringing back memories of chemo and the relationships this illness affects. I’m on the home straight now and am looking forward to a long life of health and prosperity.

I haven’t written for a while because there hasn’t been much to say. My energy levels are just about back to normal. My hair is growing. There is still too much skin showing so I am still wearing a wig unless at home.

It was Laila’s birthday party last weekend and we had a fantastic day of food and drink and cake (and bouncy castles). As soon as I have downloaded the photos, I will post some.

I start my radiotherapy on Monday and then follows a gruelling 4 and a half week cycle but then I get my life back and we can go on holiday. Roll up November.

Just a quick entry to mention that little Ruby had her operation this afternoon. She is 19 weeks old and has been through … 2 operations, 2 biopsies and chemotherapy in utero. One month in special care baby unit (half of which was in an incubator) Full leg casts reapplied weekly and now an operation under local anaesthetic. She has endured a lifetime of medical stuff during her short little life.

She was so brave. I volunteered Laith to take Ruby into theatre. The operation took all of half an hour under local anaesthetic. Laith came out with tears in his eyes. Apparently Ruby cried when they made the incisions. Poor little thing and I do feel for Laith having to watch and comfort his youngest little princess through it all.

Ruby and Laila are both fast asleep and I’m heading the same way so I’m off to bed. I have a training course in the morning…

I have been very lax at writing but there are never enough hours in a day. Last week I went to the hospital for my last course of chemo. I had my bloods on Wednesday and had the blood taken, then headed up to the Macmillan Suite for my appointment with my Oncologist. He called me into his office and after a brief chat, he told me that NICE have changed the protocol on the chemotherapy and instead of recommending 4 courses of docetaxel, they are recommending only 3, so effectively my chemotherapy is over and had been for almost a month. I was rendered speechless.

This decision was based on research which suggested that the side effects of the drug (including cardio and infection risk) did not warrant the 4th dose as the drug was strong enough within the 3 doses to do its job. The whole thing has left me a little nervous and feeling as though I have been shoved out of the family home after a lifetime of security. I know that I have a direct line back to the hospital in case I need it and I have already made use of that lifeline. I am trying to get my radiotherapy moved forward so I can spend some more time with my mum towards the end of her stay.

I love having my mum here. I still have very little energy on a day to day basis. Mum is a great help all round and is getting on well with the girls (especially little Ruby) Laila can be a challenge at the best of times and requires a little management (as do all 3 year olds Imp sure). I am really going to miss her.

Ruby has her operation scheduled for Friday. The doctors at Kings College Hospital will work their magic and do some keyhole surgery on her feet to lengthen her tendons at the back of her legs. It’s very exciting (because it’s a milestone) and scary at the same time. She will be fine and is growing so quickly at the moment.

Its Laila’s birthday party in 2 weeks time. I’m not sure I have the energy to bake cakes and make loads of food from scratch, so I guess it will be Sainsbury’s finger food and M&S cake all round. I can’t believe my little girl is going to be 3 years old.

I will post more photos after her birthday. My hair is growing back but will be a while before I can bare my crowning glory to the unsuspecting public. Watch this space…